The Dilemma: Violence and Sex

At the beginning of this class, I believed that violence in a sexual
setting was sometimes appealing and sexy. It could give you a rush, a
taste of something different, sometimes something that could even is
craved. I think sexual intercourse is natural, fun, individual and an
act so very unique each time whether it is with the same person or
someone new. This, of course is my belief, and these thoughts are about
consensual sex. This is the setting where the "violence" is
discussed and perhaps even directed to your liking. In this way, behind
the bedroom door (or in the kitchen, in the car, or wherever it occurs)
I believe acting in something other than a purely gentle and romantic
way sexually is acceptable. One of the definitions of violence I found
is "an unjust or unwarranted exertion of force or power", so in this
respect, as I had expected before I looked up the definition, this
consensual situation where one person is in a more assertive physical
control and may act in a more forceful way, may not necessarily be
"violence" at all. I think what makes all the difference is the
intent. In consensual sexual relationships, although this forcefulness
is an added element to a sexual encounter, there is (or at least should
be if it is consensual) a common goal of feeling good.

All this being said, this novel has definitely challenged this belief
of mine and affected me more than I thought it would. I have never known
anyone who has been a victim of rape so the idea was distant and almost
unreal to me. You never expect that to happen but it happens to people
quite often. It can happen whether you are on the streets like Andrea,
at a bar in Gainesville, or walking home from the library. After reading
Andrea's story, I feel like I know someone who has been raped. Having
this very detailed information about it, I have started to question
whether violence in sex is okay still. I've been going back and forth
between this thought for quite a while now and I think that just like
everything in life, every event is separate from another with separate
scenarios and settings and each person is different. There are people
who use violence in sex to hurt, torture, and assert their dominance.
And there are people who use "violence" to pleasure another person,
by their choice or a mutual interest in releasing the endorphins of pain
and pleasure simultaneously. This is all I can assert for myself now and
I know this is going to be a topic that I will be thinking about for a
long time to come, especially since I am reminded of it now with each
advertisement, television show, or movie I see.