If I'd Known Then What I Know Now...

I've waited until the end of the semester to share this blog post because for the longest time I wasn't sure that I had the confidence to share this story, especially with strangers.  When I registered myself for this class back in fall I had no idea what I would be facing over the next several months.  As most of you are probably aware, there was a string of rape and attempted rapes surrounding campus in the weeks between Thanksgiving break and winter break.  Specifically, they seemed to affect the Greek community in almost all instances.  Not only were two of the girls who were attacked Panhellenic friends of mine, I grew up with both of them.  Having not just one but two friends be affected by sexual abuse is an experience I wish I could run away from and never have to face.  The first attack's victim, right after Thanksgiving, was one of my high school best friends.  When I heard the news of what had happened the next morning, I was in shock.  Writing about it right now gives me goosebumps and even brings tears to my eyes.  Hoping to never have to go through those emotions ever again I was thrown in to shock when three weeks later I found out that a second girl who I have had classes with since 6th grade was attacked at knifepoint when getting in to her car.  I now know I have two of the bravest friends anyone could ever ask to have in their lives.  

Something I had never imagined facing in my entire life I was forced to confront twice in just a month.  My mom didn't want to me to even come back for the Spring semester, yet alone be taking a class that would be constantly reminding me of what two people I love were continuing to battle.  I wasn't so afraid though. I put a pepper spray on my keychain and once again felt invincible.  I knew though, after reading just the first five pages of Mercy, how wrong that feeling was.  Pepper spray wouldn't hold off an attacker, and in the moment, who knows if I would even be thinking enough to use it.  The fear I had tried so hard to allow take over me was slowly returning.  The vivid descriptions Andrea used to describe the attacks left me crying in my bed as I felt my friends' pain they have been suffering.  Maybe my mom was right, I shouldn't have taken this class,  The pain I feel for my friends is very real and the images it has placed in my head I will never be able to remove.  

So if you were to ask me, would I take this class again if I'd known then what I know now, the honest answer is that I really don't think I would.  To know the pain that my friends are suffering and to never be able to get this images out of my head is not something I would ever want to wish upon anyone.