Marriage

The role of the institution of marriage played a role in this chapter.
Andrea talks about how in the marriage she learned to be a great hostess
(in her own way) by rolling a good joint, dressing nicely, attending to
guests. She seeks to please her husband so she goes along with violent
sex, she cleans the house as he would like, she cleans the refrigerator
after not doing so led him to attack her. She does many of these to try
to be a good wife, and to fill her gender role in the traditional sense
of a marriage. I think that she is trying to show that the inequalities
in traditional marriage change people, and makes them less human. She
would try to remind her husband that it was her, the person he was tying
up was her, that she was the person he used to consider a "blood
brother" and whisper andrea too. But after they got married he just saw
her as Mrs. (his own name) as his property. On page 163 she wrote, "I
would just lie there for him and he didn't need no rope. We was
married." The marriage is the rope, she doesn't need to be tied down to
be controlled because the institution of marriage and her role as a wife
is what holds her down. I think that the notion of the roles of marriage
changing people can be true, but not to this extent. I think that in
this case the problems this couple faced was not entirely caused by the
marriage changing them. I think his abusive nature would have come out
in time with or without a marriage.

A point I would like to make note of is the important distinction
between abusive relationships and sexism. I feel Andrea blurred that
line in order to make the reader think about how sexism, and how the
sexist role of women in marriage led to dehumanization/abuse in this
chapter. Abusive relationships can go both ways. There can be violence
in any kind of relationship (heterosexual and homosexual). Intimate
partner violence has less to do with the perceived differences between
men and women, and more to do with control of the other partner.

On Men and Freedom

Last week's discussion ended on Andrea's search of freedom and it was

indicated by her large number of partners that she was maybe not only

supporting herself through prostitution but also finding sex with women

pleasurable. It is striking that her viewpoint of freedom has converted

her to act in ways similar to that of the men she has been with,

essentially with violence and carelessness. The animalistic instincts of

her sexuality greatly reflect the actions of her perspective of men.

Therefore I do not agree with the character's perspective that she is

free when in fact she is in bondage to sexuality.

As such, the notion of love and sex is not completely grasped from the

character. Not only has she not been exposed to a genuine love that

cares for her wellbeing but as stated in class, emotional and supportive

friendships are non-existent.I do recall her statement of not being hurt

by love but then her perception of "love" is pain and hurt". This would

in turn affect her perception of whether profound love and sex could

even exist for her. AS such, she accepts that the conditions of her

first "rape" event and assumes that is her destiny. So my question would

be where would her real freedom of the ties of her pain really occur?

Complete freedom is found spiritually, which she feels has betrayed her,

so in turn the character does experience harsh circumstances without

love and freedom.

Male versus Female

I didn't get a chance to bring this up in class yesterday because by the time I'd finished fleshing out my thought the conversation had already moved on to a different topic. But in response to a prompting question I was thinking about the difference between the narrator's sexual relations with men and with women. Sure one can make the argument that men have abused the narrator up to this point and women for the most part have not. But I think Andrea is making a less obvious distinction as well. With her description of Rebecca comes a sense of inspiration. "Her freedom's on me, around me, climbing inside me". The narrator admires Rebecca because she is so free. Despite having been abused and jailed herself, Rebecca is free in her soul. This is the distinction the narrator makes between male and female. We know that the men in the narrator's society are free, but Rebecca is free too. Men are capable and free to do what they want. But this is the first time the narrator comes across a female who is free and who does what she wants. This inspiration, this freedom, this attitude is something the narrator hasn't felt and is something the narrator desires to embody starting at the point when she has relations with Rebecca. Furthermore the narrator feels that Rebecca does free her; freedom riddles the pages from 108 to 110, but it says on 110 that with men it's "an ignorant meanness" and with a woman "you're whole and you're free." Also men are linked to death and destruction - ripping the narrator's body, using knives, causing pain. Women on the other hand are now linked with life – a wild woman, a free spirit – "she's like the placenta, you breathe in her." This may be Andrea's own attitude showing via the attitude of the narrator, as we've discussed Andrea's pro-lesbian paradigm. But the images used to describe Rebecca are linked to enjoyment of life. Yes, men are bad to the narrator throughout the story in a way that women are not. But I think the main distinction we are supposed to grasp up to this point in the novel is that men are powerful and abusive and torturous while women are empowering and rebellious and ambitious.

I'm not one of those people, but I'd like to be (and other thoughts)

I'm not one of those people with a three-digit sex-number, but I'd like to be. I do think sex and love are separable, and have had a lot of fun at casual sex when I have ventured down that road. But I haven't done it very much - mostly out of discomfort in my own skin. I like sex; it feels good - its entertainment like going to the movies or something. At the same time, all you have to do to go to the movies is pay for it - with sex, there are expectations about experience, appearance, skill, etc. So I'm not promiscuous because I don't find myself sexy - that's the pathology; the guts to be as promiscuous as I'd like to be would be healthier than hating myself/my body and not following my desires, right?

There seems something less healthy about Andrea's desires than mine, though. (Is that a double-standard?). She seems to conflate sex and attention or closeness, and to enjoy being abused (perhaps because its all she knows). There seems like this running insecurity even in her enjoyment of sex ... which isn't how we all are, are we?

RE: Culture, Has Anybody Ever Noticed

We live in a rape culture. To me, this is shown by the fact that the posters and ads with rape prevention tips are directed at women - the fact that women are given the responsibility for preventing rape. Clearly women cannot prevent rape without the help of society. Of course, our society is not completely neutral - there are, after all, ads and posters aiming to cut down on rape incidents. I imagine the posters in the bathroom were in the bathroom of a female dorm hall, but I don't know. If that's the case it might explain why there wasn't anything directed at males. But I do think there is a distinct absence of media directed at males to tell them not to rape. Of course our culture affects the rate of rape crimes. I don't know if our sexually permissive culture will increase the amount of negative sexual experiences we as Americans have. It may very well do the opposite. But because there are warnings to women, tips on how to be safe, it is implied that rape will without-a-doubt exist. When society is telling women how to avoid sexual violence, it shows that sexual violence has been accepted as something which simply exists as a natural danger. And maybe it does. But I agree that there should be more "no-rape" campaigns directed at extinguishing rape and fewer "no-rape" campaigns directed at the women, fewer campaigns aimed at shirking the responsibility and laying the burden on individual women. However there is a point to be made for the fact that "no-rape" campaigns directed at women are probably very helpful in our society - one which does have rape. So, while it might be better to have the other type of campaign, eliminating the type directed at potential victims would probably have negative consequences. This leaves everyone unsure of the best move to make and that's why we react to rape as a society in the ways we do.

Also, I'd like to mention Andrea's description of the cement wasteland. I think it's a strong image and to me it shows prolific talent. Multiple times Andrea has described the cement desert soaking up the blood of an attack or scraping her skin. It's where she interacted with Nino and so many others. I think it works well to help deliver Andrea's message. It is a very effective technique. The cement wasteland highlights the fact that no one is around. No one to help. No one to watch. It is stone and black for as far as the eye can see in every direction. At least, that is what I picture. I just thought that device deserved mentioning here.

On Rape Prosecution- An Analogy

I happened upon this picture while perusing (read: procrastinating on) Facebook. I thought it was very relevant, given our conversation in class last week about how rape is one of the least-prosecuted crimes in the U.S. It touches on several of the points we discussed as reasons for this abysmally low prosecution rate- including a woman's "promiscuity" as a justification for rape. Thoughts? 

Re: Culture

I think culture determines much of our behavior. Serial killers, sexual offenders, and prostitutes often come from unstable home environments. Intimate connections have more influence on our character development than the greater societal impact. However, society's norms do play a part in forming our perceptions. For instance, today's "hook up" culture has increased the acceptability of casual sex. Though our generation is no more promiscuous, the "dating era" seems to belong to a distant past. Some celebrate the sexual freedom of today; declaring women have more liberty to determine their sexual experiences. Am I less of a feminist because I believe in courtship? I think the "hook up" disempowers women. Now we wait for the man to define the relationship because we do no want to seem needy, bitchy or annoying for asking more from a relationship. If you look through magazines from Teen Vogue and Seventeen to Glamour and Cosmo, women are being directed on how to please their women. Articles are written from the perspective of "hot guy panels" that write what not to say, do and wear. During the age of Pride and Prejudice, the woman judged her suitor, and the guy was a gentleman. I know I am not the only one who feels this way about romance. Didn't this lady make a windfall off of girls' fantasies? 

I think Andrea is defined by her financial, environmental and familial circumstances. I do not know if our current society promotes a rape culture, but men are definitely presented as dominant figures in sexual relationships. Well, men have a gender advantage in most spheres of our culture. 

God in Mercy

One of the most frequently brought up themes in Mercy is the power of
God. Andrea seems very certain that there is a God but she gets very
angry with God and disappointed with God throughout the novel. Andrea
wonders why God allows the men to rape her and hurt her so much. She
often says that God is assisting the men in raping her in some way or
another. She says things like "He's making the man stronger" and "God
rides on the back of the man and I see Him there doing it." This
language is very powerful and you can feel that Andrea is angry with
God. Since God is a man (is always portrayed as a man), she seems to
feel that he must also be oppressive to her. She has had so many bad
relationships with men that hurt her and took advantage of her that she
has no reason to think that any man, even God, would take care of her.

There are times that she seems to think God is good and can protect
her. She prays to God often while being raped, asking him to get the man
to stop or to get tired and get off of her. But almost every time, she
is disappointed because God does not stop the men. This leads her back
to hating and being angry with God.

I think this can parallel how some people in our society often pray to
God more when things are going wrong and take advantage of the times
that things are going well. Many people blame God for the bad things
that happen and take personal credit for their successes. Some of this
is human nature, and I myself am occasionally guilty of this (on the
days that I believe in God) but I definitely found this chapter to be an
interesting parallel, although it was very extreme and difficult to
read.

A ticking Time Bomb

I've noticed that throughout reading Mercy, Andrea seems to talk very angrily and violently. She seems to be angry at God for neglecting her, her mother for rejecting her, men for abusing her, adults for ignoring her, etc. I'm concerned that holding these feelings in is detrimental to her mental stability. At any moment now it seems like she could blow up.

I noticed that she had this fury of anger inside of her during her talk about her childhood. She was very angry at the adults for making her line up against the wall during a bomb drill. Andrea stated that she wanted to scream and throw herself into that incoming bomb (embracing death at a very young age). She seemed very upset even as a child at this mundane task.

Years of sexual abuse and being oppressed is making her angrier and I'm just waiting for the moment where she blows up.